THE MUSIC FEST...Chapter 5

**Ever get a song stuck in your head? Doesn’t matter where you are or what you’re doing, the song is locked inside your conscious. The song that haunted me, Kid Cudi - Pursuit of Happiness (Steve Akoi Remix). If you know anything about this song, you know its not for somebody who is trying to sober up. In fact this song was adding fuel to my infernal. This song became my anthem**

As my ride drove away, I left my pack in the rubble and sand, this area must have been a river bed at one time. I stood at the very bottom of a huge valley, impressive mountains and forests of tress cradled me. I couldn’t wait to see it in the daylight, right now, I needed to register myself into this campsite. I noticed there were no lights inside, there had to be a system, someway to establish myself. It had almost been twenty-four hours, from when began my trek, dead man walking. I needed to rest, some much needed sleep, I had to be in Salmon Arm in a few hours! I thought, I will just find a spot to sleep, deal with the fees in the morning. I could barely peal my pack off the ground, my back pack was exhausted as well.

I walked past this bulletin board, mapping the grounds, it also had a sign “NO VACANCY" I stood there, every inch of my body began to weep. I had no energy to make my own camp, I would have to hike a few more miles. I weighed out my options, hike a little more, or camp illegally in this site. The site felt more inviting, I took the invitation.The main gate to the camp ground, locked, lucky for me, an open gate for those on foot. I decided to walk within the grounds, I could find a spot, nobody would ever notice me. I must have tip toed through those grounds, five times! The place was packed! Each lot had multiple vehicles, except for one. Way at the very back, against the treeline, I somehow missed it. A lonely site, barely occupied, a bicycle, pup trailer and single man tent. This camper had an unexpected room mate for the night. He or she had to be out cold, most likely cycled in from British Columbia. Still, I did not want to chance waking anybody. I quietly set up my tent, knowing, when I awoke, I needed to go. I did not want to awake to police shaking my tent.

I was confident in my internal clock, which is set at six A.M., I only had three hours to rest. I didn’t have time to dream, just time to rest my body. It seemed like I had just closed my eyes, I would be awoken by birds singing. I didn’t bother looking at the time, I knew I had to get up. I quietly took my tent down, I was relieved that the cyclist remained in their tent. I was amazed, I awoke feeling refreshed, I even left $11.50 on the picnic table. Cutting through the maze, I found my way to the showers, OH! A hot shower! Free and no time limit, so I soaked. My body recovered, it was no glazier bath, but a much needed aqua massage. Somebody had left a razor behind, I rinsed it with hot-water and soap before using it. Something I hadn't felt in a long while, the smoothness of my face. I had to do something about my hair, so I thinned it, using a former hair dressers method. You take multiple strands within your fingers, twist the strands into a corkscrew, take the razor and slash away. It was working, my mop started to take shape, it looked like a deliberate mess now. For finishing touches, I gelled it up, then took scissors to it. I just needed to match my clothes to fit this crazy hairstyle, I became a “ROCK-STAR” I was ready for the Salmon Arm Music Festival. Bring it!

I was relieved, I did not have to provide identification, to purchase a bus ticket. In major cities, like Calgary, Edmonton and Vancouver; its necessary. I have seen police pull over buses, escorting passengers off, I wanted to avoid this. This was part of the reason, I chose to hike to a small community. I had friends go online, searching towns within my area, see who required ID. When the lady asked for my name, I gave her my ex’s new boyfriends name. For any reason, if a police officer asked who I was, I had an alias. I had memorized my ex’s boyfriends information. We could pass for twins, even with a ten year age difference. I had plans to recreate new identification, stealing his identity. I had a relative in Phoenix, USA, who ran his own business. He promised me a job, I just needed to cross the border, he had his own issues, he couldn't cross the border either. I told him I would hike across the border illegally, I just needed coordinates. He had given me two possible places to cross, I had other problems though, exchanging my money and ID to purchase a bus ticket. My biggest hurdle, the distance from the Canadian/USA border to Phoenix. From Vancouver to Phoenix is approx, 1982 Kilometers, I wasn’t feeling it. He assured me, creating a new identity would be easy. I strongly felt, if I could get down there, all my problems would disappear, I could start again. This was my way, after every mess, I changed my address, never looking back. Some burn bridges, I burned communities, running out of places to revisit...Waters were left calm, nobody likes murky waters.

When the bus pulled into Salmon Arm, two and half hours passed so quickly, I looked forward to visiting Salmon Arm. I was confident, nobody knew me in this town.Thousands were going to attend the festival, they didn’t even know I existed. This would become my new home for the weekend, one thing lingered in my mind, to drink or not to drink? I needed to find a place to camp first, the most kind and informative woman helped me out, she worked at the bus depot. She let me leave my pack behind, while I ventured to find food and a home. She even let me weigh my backpack, which was just over fifty pounds, so I had been packing a child on my back this whole time. No wonder my feet and back were slowly dying.

I settled in a camp ground within Salmon Arm, between the water slides and Shuswap Lake. The music festival was not far at all, you could hear it clearly throughout the whole town. I had a lump in my stomach, I found the camp fee, to be very unreasonable. I shared my disapproval with a fellow camper, a Caucasian women, in her mid forties.

I asked her. “Do you want to join camps? Cut down on camp fees?” I pointed at my site. “There is enough room for two.”

She laughed. “That’s OK! I am waiting for friends, they should be showing up soon...Hey! You should join us! We have three sites and dividing the damage.” She pointed at the sites saved.

I was excited. “OK! I also have friends on the way...I will ask your friends if we can all join!”

She cut me off. “No need! I will text them now...” I would later nickname her Summer, her hair was as gold as the sun, her eyes as blue as the open skies, her smile as warm as a summer day.

So, one by one, her friends showed up. I introduced myself and expressed my gratitude for adopting me for the weekend. I found out very quickly, my camp-mates had one thing on their minds, drink all weekend long. I found out, this group attended this festival annually, never missing. It was like a reunion, they would embrace and be so happy to see each other again. They were so awesome, all from different walks of life, even a high-school principal!.They welcomed me into their tight group,throughout the weekend, they expressed, I fit in well, like I had been apart of them. One of the things they discovered about me, I'm known to create fitting nicknames. They loved them! We used them all weekend long! My nickname for the weekend was “Pedro” and the ONLY other guy in our camp, was nicknamed “Chico” I love that guy! He is everybody's favorite uncle. He taught me, appearance is over rated, charm and confidence is everything. He had approached women, that I thought I had no chance at. He proved, there is always a chance, you just need to be willing to take it. Chico and I got along very well, he even blessed me, giving me a necklace, which had a sharks tooth dangling from it. I insisted a story should be made from this gift.

This is the story he made up. “You see...Pedro and I were visiting Mexico one year, we had never met prior. Pedro was out surfing the waves, he had been knocked off his surf board by a Macao shark. The shark had Pedro by the leg, and tried to drag him under. I pulled up to them on a Sea-doo and punched the shark on the nose. The shark let go of Pedro, so I pulled him onto the Sea-doo and drove him to the hospital. They found this tooth stuck inside his leg...Pedro and I have been best-friends ever since...As you can see, Pedro made a necklace from the tooth as a reminder...”

As the weekend progressed, the story became crazier and crazier. The shark became a Great White, Chico kills the shark, which we ate. We had so much fun that weekend, my friends who said they were attending, never made it. That’s OK, my best-friend showed up, she and I shared my tent. Our camp-mates joked about us getting married that weekend. We would have done it, but I needed a divorce first....a divorce.

2010, I had married a woman from Venezuela, South America. We had become friends on a Facebook dating site. She was presently attending university in the state of Texas, USA. We had chatted for three years before agreeing to meet in Seattle, USA. We went to the Canadian embassy to get her VISA, with anticipations of driving to Canada that day. It wasn’t to be, she failed to create enough points, she would be denied. Her lawyer, who is based in California, failed to inform her the point system changed. I was annoyed, angered, plus I have always had a problem with authority figures. My friend was only two points short, yet this lady would not make any exceptions, she denied the application. We pleaded my friends case, pointing out all the time and money that went into this application. My friend had flown over four or five time zones, thousands of miles to be there. The agent showed no remorse or sympathy, I was in disbelief. I should have kept my mouth shut, but I couldn’t, I wouldn’t let it go.

I shook my head and blurted out. “That’s OK...We are getting married... Soon...We applied for the VISA so we could marry in front of family and friends.” My face was burning red and my palms were sweaty.

The agents eyes widened like she had just been slapped. Her tone of voice changed. “Oh?” She looked at both of us. “If that’s the case, you can marry in the USA, within months she can join you in Canada...I am sorry the VISA didn’t work out.” She wished us luck as she walked us out.

As we exited the Canadian embassy, she turned to me asking. “Are you serious?”

I nodded while we walked to the parking lot. “Yes...As soon as possible...You are not going to be

deported back to Venezuela...You are coming home to Canada.” I opened the passenger door for my new fiance.

It was then May 2010, we would marry September 2010, in Seattle, USA. I told her as soon as possible, thinking, a year from our first meeting. She managed to arrange everything to happen within five months, from the day we first met. You could imagine my family and friends reaction to the sudden news. Had you known me before, this news would have shocked you, bets against me marrying, were better odds. I had received numerous hate messages, from women I had relationships with. I had always expressed, I would never marry, they accepted I was not worth pursuing. I was shocked, many said they would’ve married me, had they known I would change my mind. I had a few crushes, I felt my feelings for them, were far from mutual. They would also break their silence and express their feelings for me. I had to use everything within myself, to not back out, to honor our engagement. I wish I could have been honest with everybody, letting them know, why I was going ahead with this day. Deep down, I felt they knew, I know mom did, she told me so. Moms concern was, she would have preferred us to marry under law and not God. Mothers know best...

At that present day, August 2013, my wife and I, had no idea where each other were. Well, I knew she was attending courses and working at Simon Fraser University. The last time we spoke, I was in Edmonton, visiting my daughter and ex; almost a year ago. She had no clue, that I had started drinking again. She knew very well, alcohol would destroy me, she was nowhere near to intervene. During our marriage, we remained best friends, never lovers. We shared the same bed, but not covers.

I recall waking one night, she screamed at me. "Noooo! Noooo!"

I turned, to find, I had twisted myself into all the covers. It was winter, she laid there shivering, with only a fistful of linen. I felt so bad, so I made sure we had our own covers from that night on. Somehow, I still I managed to twist myself into hers. So I tried barricading myself, with body pillows, she called it my nest. I can still hear her voice, her little Latina accent. "This man! And his nest!"

I can't help but smile when I look back. I missed her, we were like brother and sister. She had become upset, because I could not accept her as my lover, my wife. She would make an effort, she made advances, she really tried to make our marriage work. Still, I couldn't get past that she was a friend, who I prevented from being deported. I knew what the problem was, she wanted children, I learned then and there, I did not. I put a stop to her advances, I lied, I told her I was gay. I made up a guy, said he looked identical to Heith Ledger, The Joker. I think I told her, he passed away, that is

the reason I had The Joker tattooed on my right arm. Said we were seeing each other, while her an I, chatted in that dating site years ago..She believed me! This would eventually backfire on me, she tried to hook me up, with one of her gay friends! She insisted I add him to my friends list, I stated, he wasn't my type. He really wasn't!

We had decided that we would live together for always, that we could pursue other relationships. We agreed if we found a new love, with marriage as a possibility, we would divorce. I'll tell you, it was awesome! I felt we had the prefect marriage, we never fought, we never had expectations, we were best buds living together. Everything was going so well, till I received a phone call from the police back in 2011, my life as I knew it, was over. I could not live with myself, she on the other hand, very supportive. She assured me, that we would weather this storm, it too shall pass. She is a Seventh Day Adventist, she would drag me to church on Saturdays. I dug my heals in, she would eventually attend on her own, food without meat is not for me.

A court date was set, I grew antsy, so we situated her in a room and board setting. She rented a room for three hundred a month in the city. She continued to attend and work at Simon Fraser University. I went to visit mom in the country, looking for a new line of work, nothing within the social work field. I collected employment insurance, for a year. This is when I started drinking again, after being sober for five years. A couple of grad buddies and I, made a pact. We stated, if us three, were ever in the same town, we would drink together, no matter what! Yeah well, it just happened to be, we were all in Lytton. One of the guys just won five hundred dollars on a Pull Tab lottery ticket, plus it was his work places pay day. He became Mr super Generous! He bought all our poisons! My brand of cigarettes and beer, I jumped off my sobriety wagon head first, diving right in. As my drinking progressed, I would sentence myself to death, I decided I wasn't going to show up in court. I was guilty, I could not forgive myself, I knew others would never understand. I needed to find a place to end it all...

I used everything I owed to pay off debts, I sold whatever I couldn't fit into my back pack. I was going to hike to Alberta, my mom who was well aware, hated the whole idea. She has always been loving and supportive in all my decisions, even though, she knew I making a huge mistake. She had trust and faith in God, she knew something good would come of all this. She wished me luck on my new adventure, I asked her to not tell my wife, I would somehow explain, in my mind, she was never going to see me alive again. So I arrived in Calgary, August 2012, just a back pack of clothes...Not knowing anybody...

A year later and I was back in British Columbia...At a music festival, well, not really, just like the Calgary Stampede, I stayed at the camp, drinking the whole time. My camp mates and I took turns becoming deathly sick, we all shared our ways of cheating hangovers. My favorite way, which became every-bodies, you needed to purchase a Big Gulp cup from 7/11. Then fill the cup with ice-cubes or crushed ice, I prefer crushed ice. Then fill the cup with your choice of wine cooler. You can walk anywhere with this drink, no hassles from anybody, not even the police. I like to use two huge colorful straws from 7/11, I call them my double barrel shot gun. After a few sips from my icy drink, I am well and ready for another night of drinking.

Some of our camp mates had to leave, they had to be at work the next day, same with my best friend. That feeling of abandonment started to set in, eventually everybody would go their separate ways. I hated it, this party family was declining in numbers, misery truly loves company. One of the women who I nicknamed "Star" demanded, I attend the festival on the final night. I refused to pay eighty dollars for one night of music, especially for bands I was unfamiliar with.

Star managed to slide her bracelet off, handing it to me and said. “Pedro, I bought this bracelet for the full three days. I want you to have it.” Star resembled the actress "Michelle Phiefer" ...Star sported a snake skin cowboy hat, exactly like mine. Before leaving, she sat on my lap, poising for a photo. In all my years, a beautiful woman like her, has never voluntarily sat on my lap, asking that a photo be taken. She made me feel like a ROCK-STAR. I can still see the tiny star constellation tattooed on her left shoulder blade.

I hated to see my best friend leave the most. She didn't forewarn me, she slowly started to pack her things. I had been so caught up in the booze, I hadn't noticed, till she stood before me. "OK...I should get going now...I don't like driving in the dark." She reached in for a hug, which I was reluctant to surrender.

I felt as though I had been hit between the eyes with a sledge hammer. "What?! Where are you driving to?!" I stood up and was now frantic. "Noooo..You are not leaving now! You can leave for work early tomorrow morning!" I followed her to her truck.

She knew I would respond this way, her reason for packing literally behind my back, she knew I would try and talk her into staying another night. "Noooo...I need to get back! My son is with his dad." She climbed into her truck, knowing that was the knock out punch.

I nodded, I knew then and there she had to leave. I asked one favor before she left. "Let me know when you arrive at home OK." I leaned in and gave Pocahontas a kiss and long hug. "Drive safe." My best friend is a beautiful Native woman, with long silky black hair. All the other women, could not stop complimenting her, it was almost down to her knees. The other ladies were constantly apologizing, because they were caught staring at her, you had to stare, she is that beautiful. I missed her already and she hadn't even left the parking lot. A sense of guilt set in, I should have spent more quality time with her, rather than drinking.

There was once twelve of us, now we were down to three. I can recall, I had no desire to attend the festival, I just wanted to stay at the camp drinking. Chico and the high-school principal, who I nicknamed "Thelma" from the movie "Thelma and Louise" She resembled the actress who played that role. "Susan Sarandon" Well, they managed to twist my arm, truth is, they told me about the beer garden. So! On we went, taped bracelet around my wrist, snake skin cowboy hat on my head. As we entered the music festival grounds, I was blown away! I didn’t know there were six stages and an insane amount of people in attendance. First thing I did after buying a beer, I jumped up on a picnic table, dancing, whipping my cowboy hat in the air.

Security were quick to run over to me, informing me. “Sir, you cannot do that up there!” One of them reached to help me down.

As soon as I got down, I asked them. “Can I do that at ground level?!” I was shocked that I was being restricted of having fun.

The security laughed and replied. “Yes of course!”

That is all I needed to hear, I formed a huge circle of strangers. Whoever had my cowboy hat on, had to be in the center, busting dance moves. I am convinced there was something in our beer, I had to be dancing, I could not stop. I have been to many concerts, music festivals, never before, have I ever needed to dance. I was in a dancing frenzy, we danced stage to stage, getting complete strangers to dance with us. I met a lot of new people, when I am drinking, I am a social butterfly, everybody is my friend. I will dance in front of you, till you start dancing with me. I ran up to a random groups of people, I would start dancing in front of them, before you knew it, we had a huge group dancing with us. I regretted not attending the two nights prior.

Thelma and Chico sandwiched me in a hug and cheered me with their beers. Chico yelled out. "See!? Are you glad you came?! Look at this place! It's one huge party!" Chico pointed out at the huge festival. Chico was right! It really was!

Thelma reached in and said. "Thank you Pedro...I have been coming to these for years...I have never had this much fun." She kissed my cheek and continued to dance.

It was near the end of the night, before I finally stopped dancing...I heard this one band, the song moved me. I collapsed to the grass, flailing my arms around to the song. I found out it was a Canadian group called ~City and Color~ and the song titled ~Thirst~.

Find this song in YouTube, give it a listen...

An ocean of anger

Flowing through me

Blood stained and broken

From when I fell to sea

And just like a snake charmer

You led me astray

Living in distress

Hoping help is on the way

In the midst of a storm

Searching for shelter

I came upon